Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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