Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
