why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
