Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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