Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
