Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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