Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
