This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
