I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
