hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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