I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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