**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
