Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got inside last night via doggy door
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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