If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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