I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
