Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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