I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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