Apparently you make a good broom.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
