If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
