I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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