We got so high we made milksteak
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
