my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
there is glitter all over my balls
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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