I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
