The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
