if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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