My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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