forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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