It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
high people should be assigned attendants
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
