i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
