Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
