too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
