she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
