thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Boobs are out for the taking
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
