I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
