no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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