Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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