I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm just crazy horny about you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
