my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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