you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
