I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
