Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
