ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
