My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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