I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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