The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
