Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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