If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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