god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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