tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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