happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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