So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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