forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
