i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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