Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
