sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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