the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
