I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i out mim tonsoeep
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