I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
