note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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