so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
