well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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