I just cut my nipple shaving
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
