if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
