I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
