We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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