the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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