Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
