I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
