so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
