to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
