Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
