I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize