Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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