It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
