Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
