Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
