It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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