I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
