there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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