he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
