apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
