Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
