handjob tips. give me some.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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